Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
