had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
