I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
