had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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