When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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