Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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