I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize