I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
