Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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