party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize