Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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