I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
