Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
