youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
