Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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