its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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