who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
