I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
