coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
should my penis look like a turkey
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
