He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
