Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
