just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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