i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
be right there i have to get my cape
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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