Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
