If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
