wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
