Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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