highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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