apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sober January is a disaster.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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