she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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