There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
