I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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