his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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