Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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