This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
