Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
