Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
