I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
