the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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