how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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