for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
