dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
