I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
