Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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