FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize