I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This baby is an asshole
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
