We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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