I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
