Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
