I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
did i just pee glitter
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
