Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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