We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
