i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
