Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
