mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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