Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
