just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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