My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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