we have pet lesbian snakes
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
