i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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