It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
