my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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