he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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