Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
