Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
