Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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