Plan B is the new Plan A
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
