Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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