Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
