her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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