Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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