could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
