I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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